Where to begin...

I am not even sure where to begin except at the beginning...then again I am not sure where the beginning is.
My husband and I met in 99 and we knew without a doubt we aould marry some day and have 3or 4 children...Oh simple life seems when you are young,Little did we know what path we would end up taking.

after a Nightmare of a miscarriage in summe of 99 we were told children would most likely not be possible...at least not "the old fashined way" but much to our shock in November of that same year I discovered I was indeed Pregnant! We were so excited to welcome our son Anthony into the world the following July . In June of 2001 Just Shy of our Son's first birthday we decided it was time to expand our family after all the concerns the dr's had about my ability to concieve were proven wrong and they sw no reason now that I should have any trouble.....Oh if only I had known after 3yrs of ttc ,dr's appts,clomid and devistation over My dh sperm count results ,In December of 2005 I had what can best be described as the Period from hell. It was so bad and I was so sick I decided I would call my Dr and try to figure out what was going on to my shock and sadness My dr informed me that he had "good news and bad news" I had indeed gotten pg but this baby was not to be and I was having an early miscarriage (I now know this is commonly reffered to as a chemical pg in the medical community) Amazingly instead of feeling overly upset by the loss I did as I tend to do and saw the light .The Dr's were wrong!,We can get Pg!!! so after waiting a month we decided to keep trying and for 2 yrs...Nothing Finally in January of 08 I had had enough after having what i suspected was a possible CP for a 2nd time I snapped and I infomed my Husband thats it i can't take the heartache we have ourson and that is all we are going to have lets deal and move on,or so I thought shortly after On Valentines day after catching some serious shit from friends that i was acting "like a hormonal pg woman" I realized I was late i spent all day agonizing do I test am I nuts? i caved and went in for the test...BFP Holy shit!!! I cried when I got the news and realized I was happier in those moments than I had been in a long time. Again the univeerse in its wisdom decided it wasn't done with me yet I had 5 blissful ignorant weeks of pregnancy and then on April 23 (easter of all days) My world cam crashing down ...
I had family in town for the holiday and had spent most of the day cooking when later in the afternoon i went to pee and realized i was spotting..Ok I thought don't panic i calmly informed my Husband and off to the er w went I waited for quite a while before I was whisked off to see a dr after Blood work and a pelvic he informed my My cervix is closed and looks like all will be fine I may just need bed rest for a few,we just had to wait on the us results..Ok I thought no prob i can deal witht hat,after about another 20 min the dr came into my room and the look on his face gave me my answer long before he opened his mouth He told me My baby had died the tears started rolling before the words were even spoken in my mind i screamed "NOOOOOOO Why why would you take our baby girl!! (I say girl as in our hearts there was never a doubt it was a girl) The dr was very kind (a rarity for the er) and gave me my options but wanted me to see my OB the next morning before deciding at first I wanted to wait and do it nautrally but after 24 hrs I was rethinking this and so on tuesday the 25th I called and scheduled my D&C for the following Morning...again the universe had other ideas the cramping ,,,ok cramping hell the CONTRACTIONS started at about 10 am and went on for hours I finally broke down about 1 and took the pain med they had given me I slept and when I woke I cried and then slept some more later that night some dear friends had stopped by to check on us i got up to pee and thats when I felt it i knew she was slipping from me I ran to the bathroom but it was too late I had delivered my baby into my panties at first I just sat there and cried I didn't know what to do finally I yelled for My friend (she was closest to the bathroom) and asked her to get My Husband he came running and as soon as he opened the door the look onmy face told him what I couldn't say or precious baby was gone we were asked to save her remians for possible testing so we did but before that I wanted to see her to some she was "tissue" to me this was my daughter and she looked absolulty perfect in every tiny detail dh was right she would have green eyes I actually remember thinking that and it crushed me the following am the dr determined that I had delivered every part of her intact which for health reasons is the best they could hope for in my situation. Later when we got home our son asked a few questions (some of which my mom fielded Thank God for her!) and then shocked us all when he asked if he could name her...I had not even thought of this but we told him yes of course he could and so our beautiful baby Girl was given her name..Skylar Marie and the name is as perfect as she was...And so now this is my life after Skylar....