Now's as good a time as any ..right?

So I have been quiet on here again mainly because I have been trying to decide when ,if and, how to make an announcment...

I'm pregnant

It's taken over a year to get here with a lot of bumps along the way but here we are I am 8 weeks today and I would be totally lying if I didn't admit that as happy as I am I'm also TERRIFIED I feel that this pg is already off to a better start in that my hormone levels have all been good and I feel like shit lol so probably a good thing but I can't help feeling some of the darkness creep up now and then too especially as I am entering the same stage I was in when we lost Skylar last year... I honestly don't know what I think or feel at the moment I am a ball of insane emotion 99% of the time but I figure its ok for me to feel like this as long as I don't let it beat me down.

So far I have measured actually about 5 days ahead of where they said I should be by mt LMP so The dr is actually optomistic that this will be my rainbow baby to keep I have had 2 ultrasounds both of which showed a perfect baby with a perfect HB so that has me slightly more at ease my next appt is not until the 1st but God bless Dr.C he said if I hit my 9 week mark and get to anxious all I have to do is call and he will squeeze me in for my own peace of mind..so far I am managing to stay sane (ok as sane as any hormonal woman ever is lol) .

So now that we all know whats going on in my world I hope things are well in yours (lol pending anyone actually reads this haha)

Much Love to all!
Brooke

Birthday thoughts ..and other random bits

So Tuesday was my Birthday and in many ways it was bittersweet ...I couldn't help but remember last year when I was still so heartbroken from my loss that the day came and went and I barely noticed..This year however I found myself with some odd feelings about it I turned 29 (and NO I am NOT panicking about turning 30) and I realized how different our life was compared to our "plans" for our future to date. First we had said from the time we became engaged we wanted 3 children and for me I wanted to have them all Born by the time I was 30 so I would still have time to enjoy them as they grew up.. Instead I have 1 DC and am just now being able to try and have #2 with more than 1 loss along the way. I wanted to be either done with my RN or enrolled at KU (yes I am a Jayhawker ppl deal LOL) finishing my MD..instead I have just finished my RMA with plans to go back for my RN possibly sooner than originally
(re)planned And DH is finally getting to go back to school (he spent all his time putting me through and taking care of us while I followed my dreams) I am more grateful for him than I could ever say He has walked this journey with me and stayed by my side when many would have given up and walked away I can truly say I am proud to call him my husband (don't tell him though or I'll never hear the end LOL)

This birthday was full of surprises though in a funny way the ppl I never expected to remember my birthday were the first to call/text and send me good wishes while the ones who I thought would never forget did ODD I think but I am thankful at the same time as it brought some dearly missed contact with old friends that I didn't even realize I needed..think maybe God was paying more attention than I was to what I needed? I do and I am ok witht that

Ok so on to some "real" news

Dh had his IVP Kidney x-ray on Monday we should have some results from that in a couple of weeks they also did some hormonal blood work (trust me the jokes between us flew about that on) V and I are going to the fertility DR today to set up for our consultations which should be in mid July (starting it now so we can be sure all the medical records and such get there in time). As for any new testing on me..none yet but the concensus seems to be there may not be aby more needed besides some routine bloodwork to moniter my Progesterone levels leading up to pregnancy (mainly as a precaution)


Other than that life is normal as usual we have been working on a remodeling project (see below) Hopefully the pics will post ok The first 1 is The before and the 2nd 2 are the after we built,stained and clearcoated all of this ourselves...I think it looks pretty good personally the color (which you can't see well in these) is A mahogony (sp?) with a high gloss clear..the doors on the cabinets are not clear coated yet but should be by tonight :) and please pardon our mess LOL

Forward...

Well we got Dh's SA results.....the count and motility have more than DOUBLED!!!! granted he is still way low but the fact that its up is giving both the dr and us hope they had him adjust some vitamin doses and such and they want to see if at 3 months we can get it up even further which would be GREAT for increasing our odds of the IUI taking...

So that is where it is now moving forward at a so far so good pace..Speaking of moving forward we got a LOT done yesterday DH started my built in shelves on either side of the fireplace (i will post pics if I can get the damn Camera to cooperate lol).

Short Post but all in all things are going well and hopefully will continue to do so (Destiny can just keep holding that other shoe thankyouverymuch)

Many hugs and Blessings

A Little Sunshine..

Just to add some sunshine to the day...I decided it was time to let those of you who keep up with me "meet" the family....Enjoy!

I can't honestly remember what we were laughing at but this definitely wasn't the "family portrait" I had in mind at first but..It's perfectly honestly us and that is why I love it! On to the "formal" shots..

I can't forget our Fur babies!!!

Max (guess what his favorite "bad" habit is?)

And Pepper (I had her ball LOL)

And there you have the entire T. Clan...

Answers..?

Naturally answers tend to come when you least expect them and typically are not looking for them....at least thats what happened yesterday

Ok so long story short I went to follow a lead on a job (for those of you new to "me" I recently graduated with my RMA registered medical assistant carticficate) and while I was in the building decided that since my old OBGYN office was there I would get a full copy of my chart (NOTE: according to HIPAA a pt has the right to this at any time I reccomend using it) the purpose was to have it for the new fertility DR...and sadly they are not the best at forwarding records on ..Which brings me to the point of this story theses previous records were never sent over to my new OB while I was still pregnant (last year!!! for crying out loud!)when I got home I decided to read through and organize my stuff to make it easier for the new Dr to get through and while doing this I noticed some hinky test results that indicate that ,at least at one point, I have Low Progesterone...I was told by said Dr that I "had a result indicating I did not ovulate that cycle" but not that I had 2 consecutive LOW results..what does this have to do with anything? Well what some of you may or may not know is that in conjunction with HCG your progesterone is part of what helps keep you pregnant so to speak..I was never checked for low Prog. because my records were never sent over with the results indicating there may be a problem ,therefore, in theory from a couple of other medical opinions, that could have played a part in my Loss of Skylar.....soak that in....Breathe ...ARE YOU F@*^ing KIDDING ME!!! it may have been preventable?!..even the possibility made me sick to my stomach and brought me to tears...the answer has been staring my (former) Dr in the face for over 7 YEARS!!!! how the hell did he NOT think to tell me Knowing I had had previous issues with concieving and staying pg. I am so angry and shocked right now how could he have kept this info to himself it could have saved our daughter...and now there is no bringing her back and all I can do is walk into yet another dr office but this time armed with additional info and pray that the IUI works and that they can or will moniter my Prog. level...I spent a year praying for an answer but now that I (theoretically) have one I am ...I don't know what I feel honestly angry, sad , shocked...and maybe even a tad relieved relieved because at least prog. is a problem that can be treated...and now Back to square 1

Moving right along..

So DH had the big appt yesterday and amazingly things went fairly well he does have poison Ivy unfortunatly but they did the order for another SA (no surprise there) the surprise came when not only did the dr decide that he needed to see a Urologist but they scheduled the appt for us before we even left and then to top the cake he is getting in next week! Talk about Moving right along..the more things work out the more I am realizing maybe this is the path we are supposed to be on and should have taken long ago(the previous dr suggested a specialist but offered NO help to get him in to one)..so for the moment things are looking up and I am seeing a possible light in this tunnel. I am more relaxed and positive of our path than I have been in months..Maybe God does hear me after all,Thank you

Oh and DS had his check up today he is Perfect (but I knew that already) and ready for sports..call me football mom!

Just another day...I think

WARNING: this post may contain absolutly no logic or flow

Ok so I know its been forever since I last wrote I am really BAD about keeping up with my blog..and sadly I am not really sure why its not like i don't have a million and 1 things running through my head or anything...HMMM

So its monday and actually shaping up to be a productive Monday at that DH has a dr's appt this afternoon and will hopefully be beginning a new SA (sperm analysis) as well as some other testing before we move on to the next phase of TTC we have tried on our own for a year which is what we agreed to and then it became time to seriously discuss where we want to go from here..we discussed and looked into adoption which sadly is VERY costly more so than IVF and thats kinda crappy if you ask me but then again no-one did so..we discussed trying the IUI which seems like our best option at the moment especially since our previous dr thought it would work for us..something we will talk to our reg dr about this afternoon..and while I'm on the topic I find it interesting that she has given and listened better than my former GYN who used to specialize in Infertility in a big city..she admits that a lot of this is out of her area but also said if I know of a test to run ask and she will write the order..fortunatly after spending the last year in school for my MA cert I hve learned which sites on the web to access and can pretty much read our own results..(which my dr thinks is great) ok so I admit its my last ditch effort at holdin some form of control over our reproductive capabilities but hey if thats my worst I am doing pretty good I think?....

So I guess I should update those of you who may actually follow my blog on whats been happening and why I have been so absent.. I graduated on April 3rd (with acedemic honors thankyouverymuch) and now I am in the job pool..I passed my Phlebotomy Cert exam and just got my cert in the mail WOO HOO! Anthony has decided to play Football for our local elementary district this fall (OMG is he really this big already?!) so tomorrow its off the the Ped for him

Skylar's Birthday went without any major bumps I was in the middle of my clinicals and worked that day and I found that being able to spend that day helping others was quite therapeutic for me..it allowed me to focus on something beside my grief which i admit still rins deep and probably always will but I am learning that its ok as long as I keep trying to really live because I know she would want me too and because I owe it to my family to keep trying to move forward with life...if any of that makes sense

Ok so now that I have done a complete circle and totally lost you I come back to today today will be filled with laundry cleaning and other such domestics as I like to call them and in between all of that sitting down to actually make a list of some of the questions we want to cover with dr.G today I must admit I LOVE my Dr and I honestly believe if she left I would cry its nice to have someone who doesn't think I'm completly nuts with our journey to be parents again and when I am a little nuts (who me? no never right?) thinks its ok given our roller coaster of a ride I have the advantage I think that because I am in the medical field she knows I am well aware of any f the risks I take when looking inot treatments for our infertility..some of which I admit are not what you would call traditional. But then again NOTHING about our journey has been traditional so why start now right?

So that is where my world stands now.. I wrned you this was an all over post lol

Many blessings and Love to all

Brooke