Band-aid for the soul...

It never ceases to amaze me that just when I need it most (and usually I don't even realize I need it) The universe manages to give me a band-aid for my heart. This 4th I got a much needed surprise when our oldest son (whom we adopted nearly 3 yrs ago) brought our 5 month old granddaughter over to spend the holiday with us! i was more than happy to spend the day doting over Kai and watch as Anthony and her spent hrs fascinated with eachother (he is going to be such a wonderful big brother,hopefully soon!) But in the end it was the moments at the end of the day that gave me my lift i was sitting in a darkened and quiet family room feeding Kai and getting her ready for bed when as I sat and stared at her staring at me the tears began to fall not becuse I was sad( ok for the most part I wasn't sad) but more so because I realized in those moments that even through ll the hurt and heartache of the miscarriage these are the moments that would make trying again worth all of it! I remembered what it was like when Anthony was born and how i loved spending hours just holding him and looking at him in amazment and how in the end I want No I NEED to take the chance for another even at the risk of losing another baby.I need it for me i can't let the universe win this one I have to prove to myself I can do this I will do this i will fight just as I always have for something (someone in this case0 that means that much to me! i once read not long ago that you know when you are done having children when you feel complete...well I am not there....Yet